I Still love him....

January 13, 2016

 

This is a letter to all the men i have ever loved. men that came into my life for years or brief moments.  Men I gave my love, energy, my attention and my body to.

I love you.

I thank you .

You are always safe in my heart....

 

I Still Love Him. though he could not truly love me.

 I still love him, even though he ran as soon as he saw my true power and could not handle it.

I still love him even when he tried to make me small and blame me for his fears and insecurities. 

I still love him despite all the tears he made me shed, all the nights he left me alone, waiting for him to come home, to call, or even when I was laying next to him in bed, naked and exposed, waiting to be touched and seen by him.

                                                        Really seen. 

I still love him even though he only loved one part of me, only excepted the sweet, sexy girl in me he wanted,  but not the warrior, the goddess, the mother or any other of my ever-changing forms as a woman. 

I still love him because I still see the child in him. That child who will always seek a mother's warmth, a safe place, but because I couldn't trust him, I couldn't really be that for him and even when I was, he  was too blinded by ego,suspicious of my motives,  to even notice. 

I love him still because I still see the potential in him. The true man that he can become. The love and kindness that are buried under all that ego , rage and distrust. A deep distrust that the collective consciousness of men still carries for women. That same collective distrust that we, as women hold for men. But choosing to love him still I can see that clearly and I can see the beauty underneath.  Choosing to love him, helps me trust men once more, and discover what marvelous nature the masculine holds. 

I still love him because he will now always remain in the cells of my body after I have allowed him to enter it - to enter into my most sacred temple. I love him still even though he doesn't realize how hard it was for me to do and what great gift I had given him. This is a feeling only a true woman knows, but still, I love him.

I still love him because loving him is now loving myself, since his essence is forever intertwined with mine. 

I still love him because with all that pain I felt, he helped me grow, transform to a better version of me. 

I love him still despite the fact, that like my father, he never fought for me and was not there when I most needed, but he taught me I am the one who must first fight for myself. 

He pushed me to find more of my light and my strength. To know more what I want and what I don't , to connect deeper with my femininity, sexuality and open up to life even more. 

Yes, my  heart was broken once again , but to me, living as a goddess on earth, it only means my heart is now more open. Expended beyond my comfort zone so I can now be even more vulnerable, share the enormous amounts of love I have and receive it more easily. 

I love him still because he is not only my lover, but also my child, for I am also the mother and he awakened her desire to nurture all her children. He did that in that one magical moment when he rested his head on my chest and allowed me to kiss his head, to caress his hair.

He awakened her. 

I love him still. Always have, Always will. 

I forgive him and forgive myself because there is really nothing to forgive. We both did exactly what we promised each other we will. We stood firmly in our loving agreement we made long ago, before coming here, before meeting , again, in these bodies. 

He came in to my life through that distant, mutual promise we will awaken the divine in each of us. And he did his part, as did i, when we bonded, electromagnetic waves united body and soul, we re-membered. 

Who we are 

Why we love

What we want

So i love him, in that one eternal moment, that will forever be within me...

 

 

 

 

he did his job perfectly, therefore i love him still....

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